I have this independent candidate I am going to encourage voters to write-in at the polls: John-Barack Hussein McBama.
A quick look at all you need to know about McBama:
-McBama is not completely hopeless with technology.
-He was a POW during every single war this century.
-He is also a woman.
-McBama's father was a goat ball-licker on an obscure tropical island, and even though he really had nothing to do with McBama's upbringing, somehow he makes McBama the better candidate.
Not only did he travel and meet leaders in Europe, he went to:
-Middle Earth. Has the hobbit vote.
-Hell. Satan likes him.
-Heaven. God said okay too. (Hurricane destroying McCain's photo op, a coincidence? NOT)
-he was a POW during every single war this century
-McDonalds agreed to do a special McBama sandwich promo. His face is grilled on the patties, and the sandwich tastes like democracy.
-His VP pick's daughter is not pregnant. But if she is, then McBama is proud to say that she is keeping the child.
-he was a POW during every single war this century
-He shits Hope after breakfast
-He shits Change after dinner
-He grew up in [insert your hometown here].
-McBama is not a secret Muslim. He's a secret Protestant, but that's the good kind of religion here in America.
-His wife is hotter than Cindy and Michelle combined.
-Did I mention that he was a POW during every single war this century? I forget.
So vote McBama: Candidate of Everything That Is Frickin Awesome.
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